Rosie's getting so, well, capable. It's amazing, as a mama, to watch your children learn and grow and become independent and self motivated. Rosie's getting good at riding her bike. It's incredible to watch. She carefully crosses the street on my cue, steers well, confidently leads the way and even stands up while going uphill to get a bit more power and leverage. She's getting so good that Sadie and I have to jog to keep up. I was a puffed up, proud mama hen on Monday when we took our little bike ride....puffed up and proud on the way there.
I have to tell you about the way home. I tell you because parenting is messy and sometimes ugly and because I'm surrounded by a culture that loves to pretend it's not.
I tell you because I'm keeping it real.
On the way home Rosie decided she'd DO IT HERSELF, she DIDN'T NEED MY HELP and that she WOULDN'T LISTEN. Our "proud of ourselves moment" ended with me pushing Sadie home in the stroller and carrying Rosie's bike while she walked 10 steps behind us in a complete rage. She screamed at the top of her lungs while flinging her little limbs around and would throw herself onto the sidewalk every few steps to pound and cry. Middle aged women with small dogs on leashes stepped off the curb and on to the street and walked around us, avoiding eye contact, pretending not to notice while I wanted to say to them, "Really? You've never been here before? Orange County children don't freak out?"
It's humbling... and healthy for me to say that sometimes....somedays... some weeks... some bike rides: I don't know what to do. I need help. I don't have it together.
And guess what? I'm learning that.... it's alright....it's alright.... it's alright!
I adore Anne Lammott. She says, "It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox, full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools- friendship, prayer, conscience, honesty- and said, do the best you can with these, they will have to do. And mostly, against all odds, they're enough."
5 comments:
By the look on Sadie's face I think she knew what was going on :). Good job Heath, way to keep it real in the OC!!!!
love it {not the preschooler-stomping-behind-you part, but the keepin' it real part . . . and the anne lamott quote. i love her too!) hang in there!
Boy do I ever hear your heart when you say,"I tell you because parenting is messy and sometimes ugly and I'm surrounded by a culture that loves to pretend it's not." That is probably one of the single most difficult thing that this techno world has offered us, but I think it's been around for awhile :D Love you and you truly are amazing as is your sweet family!
Oh, Heather, I just LOVE your blog. You four a such a wonderful family, and you are an amazing mother :) Your stories take me back 25 years when I was in your shoes. Here are couple of visuals for you to make you feel not so alone... Brian at age 2, face down on the floor in his bee costume he was so excited about wearing for Halloween 10 minutes earlier and now having a complete meltdown. (Remind him some day. He knows what I'm talking about.) Then there was Katie at the grocery store, also having a meltdown, to the point I left the basket in the store, walked out to the car, put her in her car seat (still screaming) and closed the door and stood right outside until she calmed down. It was cool out, so it was okay. But sometimes you've got to ignore the looks and do what you have to do :) YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Joyce Zaro
Heather,
Well, I had our four kids...in four years. In order to NOT go crazy, I had to get myself out of the house. Each day, we would walk to the park (Yes, pushing the triple stroller that I owned.) and someone would end up crying. It didn't matter how well I prepared the diaper bag either. I could have all the snacks, drinks, and toys in the world packed into that bag. Nope, it didn't matter.
Heather, I used to wish that people would avoid eye contact with me. Instead, people would ask me if I ran a daycare. UGH! Or worse, they would ask, "Aren't you the new, youth pastor's wife at CCC? :)
Your new MN sister,
-Jenny
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